“I have always considered myself as having an average ‘package..’ This statement was rendered by my long-time email correspondent, a man of Italian descent who could give any porn star a run for his money in terms of size of his “package” (provided that the porn star’s anatomy is not in the freak size range!) My friend gives the expression ”hiding the salami” a whole new meaning! He’s as well-hung as the proverbial “circus pony,” although probably not as well-trained!
I mentioned to my husband, the email correspondent’s college housemate from the 70s, that The Italian Circus Pony expressed this opinion about having an “average package.” I asked Dave if he thought that our friend was sincerely this ignorant about his own size. Dave made choking noises and answered in the negative.
My correspondent is not alone in either this false modesty or plain ignorance of size. There is one man in my sexual history who I would have to say probaby trumps The Italian Circus Pony by an inch at least in circumference — which in my estimation is what a woman really senses inside her vagina rather than length. This was so damn funny in a way because this guy was a scrawny little guy. Probably 5′6″ or 5′7″ inches in height and 125 pounds soaking wet. He had a concave chest and actually a rather frail, sickly appearance. Yet, when he attained an erection, it was this fat sucker about as big around as a pop can. (Okay, I’m exaggerating a little….) You know what he said to me when my eyes got huge upon that revelation? “I’m about average, I guess.”
On the other hand, one man whose cock I had a nodding acquaintance with and who was almost as big as The ICP was worried that it wasn’t big enough! He voiced his concern that it was too small on the night he, his wife, and I celebrated their 5th wedding anniversary and I saw what he had. His wife told me that he has always been worried about that and no amount of reassurance on her part — and he’s her third husband! – has convinced him that he’s “just fine” in the size deparment. And I thought, “My god, you’ve got to be kidding me! What’s WITH this guy?” He was 47-years-old — no adolescent anymore! — and was perfectly normal to above-average on the scale and was worried about being too small! Pure craziness!
One guy from my late teens and early 20s whom I thought was pretty damn nice in the size department — probably the same size as the insecure guy above — actually agreed with me. He had his measurements recorded, both length and circumference, and knew exactly what they were. (A lot of guys do, I think, although they won’t admit it.) He wasn’t too proud to say, “Yeah, I think I’m a cut above average. Here are my stats!” Aside from his brief foray into “bisexuality” as a teen, he was gay. My personal opinion is that most guys sort of really know where they measure up with their peers, but to admit that you’re “well hung” is to admit that you notice male genitalia, and you wouldn’t want anyone to think you’re queer for that! Better to shrug and say, “I’m just average…” even if you know better. That way, you don’t have to be accused of being either arrogant or gay — unless you’re truly either or both!
Are men really as ignorant about all this as they act? Do they develop distorted perceptions from getting most of their size comparisons from pornography? This could be when it comes to heterosexual men. I would venture a guess when it comes to straight men, they don’t actually see a lot of erect penises from your Average Joe. They’ve seen their own erections, most have seen a porn flick or two where the actors are actually chosen for their large size, and the rest of what they’ve seen are flaccid penises in Physical Education showers and locker rooms and health clubs. Flaccid penises are not a true indicator of size because erection can change those dimensions a great deal. There is not enough good “education” out there for your average straight guy to know what is actually “normal” and what isn’t!
It might be nice if guys had a realistic perspective on this matter. Do you think we need a new “reality” TV show? Who’s the Biggest Dick? Hosted by Peter Johnson….
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May 30, 2008 at 12:32 pm
Khyri
Who’s the Biggest Dick? Hosted by Peter Johnson
True story – I have two friends who are a gay couple who have been together for 17 years. (They live in California and have just got engaged)
Their first names are ‘Peter’ and ‘Johnson’. I kid you not.
May 30, 2008 at 12:49 pm
kinsey3
Too funny!
I think I created a humorous combination of names when I wrote a short story years and years ago. The boy’s name was Randy. His last name was originally Kelly but when his foster folks, Dr. and Mrs. Peters, legally adopted him, he became “Randy Peters.” This was completely inadvertent at the time, but for quite some time now, I’ve thought his name sounds like that of a porn star! I somehow need to fix that, I think!
November 27, 2008 at 9:35 am
bluesmokeofparadise
Ever notice in those National Geographic magazines and “tribal cultures” that the women are exposed, but the men wear some type of loin clothe 9 times out of 10? Even “primitive” males are acutely aware of penis size and the need to protect themselves.
I think penis anxiety is about as fundamental to the male psyche as it gets, and it accounts for most of the weird convolutions we see in society.
For example, the Madonna-Whore complex: the safe woman is the one you marry, the one who keeps the status quo. The Whore you pay for, and she is your naughty little foray into the recesses of your deepest sexuality.
But the Whore can’t really judge the man’s sexual performance (which men equate with size), because she is paid for. The nice girls love men because they “love,” the whores must accept the man’s performance and size, no matter what. A nice typical example of male compartmentalization. The Madonna has no sex drive, the Whore can’t complain about what she gets.
The Madonna-Whore complex is just one example of how penis anxiety has been written large into cultural norms.
The phallus becomes the unconscious measure of the male’s ability to perform in the world . . . a.k.a., “the male ego.”
Sounds to trite to be true, but I think you’re definitely onto something.
I’ve thought similar for many years, but as a feminist, I always run into the politically incorrect position of “essentializing gender,” but sometimes it seems unavoidable.
Especially when it comes to penis anxiety, which is think is the most basic fear of men–probably less related to pornography per se, then coming into adulthood and having one’s sexual identity being the preeminent marker of “success,” and “being better than daddy.”
Just a guess.
Great blog.
http://wordbandit.wordpress.com
November 27, 2008 at 10:29 am
kinsey3
Thanks for dropping in and posting the great comment. I appreciate the visit!