No, no, I’m not referring to me! I’m referring to the others on both this website and the dating site I hang out on. As I mentioned a couple of posts ago, this 22-year-old guy wrote a blog post Tuesday evening on our dating site about what polyamory means to him and his wife. By this morning, the comment count was up to 190 comments. Granted, it seemed as most of these people were talking amongst themselves rather than to the blogger, but nonetheless, this fairly simple blog generated a great deal of activity. It probably took the blogger all of 15 minutes to write.
I decided to sit down last night and write my own post about what polyamory personally means to me and my husband. I posted it here and then copied it to the dating site on my blog there. You know what? I got zero comments. Not one. As far as I know, it was completely ignored or never seen.
Why is that?
Yeah, I know. I’m 52-years-old and certainly not in the prime demographics for dating sites. Who wants to even look at the profile of a 52-year-old woman? Who cares what she has to say? She’s old!
Then again, maybe I truly do leave people speechless. I’m sharing my experiences rather than asking for their opinions and advice. Their opinions aren’t going to change the the dynamics of my marriage after 35 years.
I’m not seeking approval or validation for my lifestyle and choices. No one else has walked in my shoes. This journey is mine and my husband’s based on how it all came together for us.
I’m not seeking a feeling of belonging. You’ll never find me joining a group or club that has Poly-Anything in its title.
I’m not out to promote the polyamorous lifestyle or tout its benefits or try to sell anyone on it. I feel that how I conduct my intimate relationship is my own business. It’s a very personal decision that came from the consideration of many factors and alternatives. I don’t discuss it with my coworkers, my casual friends or acquaintances. People know about my nonmonogamous marriage in Real Life on a “need to know” basis.
So, the score? 22-year-old male, married for one month: polyamory post generates 190 comments. 52-year-old female, married for 35 years: polyamory post generates 0 comments.
Go figure!
4 comments
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July 31, 2008 at 9:41 pm
polyoldfart
I would like to think it’s because your message was so well-written and thoughtful that they were in awe of your self-knowledge and willingness to grow and explore with your partner. But I have a feeling you’ve hit it with the demographics part. I can’t imagine the world of online dating is any more or less shallow and pointless than your average craigslist post. Shiny gets the attention. Either that, or you used too many big words.
July 31, 2008 at 10:06 pm
kinsey3
I was told tonight quite bluntly that I’m too personal in my blog posts and not pithy enough. Brief, pithy posts get the responses. To that I say, I won’t be anything other than what I am. I’m not superficial. I want people to know who I am and what I’m about. Otherwise, what’s the point?
Thanks for the response!
July 31, 2008 at 10:20 pm
polyoldfart
Ah yes, and what are blogs supposed to be if not personal? If long thoughtful posts keep away the short-attention-span crowd, perhaps that is a bonus.
I am rather fond of long thoughtful posts, myself. Which will probably doom me to the unfashionable backwater of blog-land. This doesn’t trouble me much. Being unfashionable gives me more time for tea and good conversation.
July 31, 2008 at 10:29 pm
kinsey3
Perhaps I’ll join you for tea and good conversation in the unfashionable backwater of Blog-land while the others are occupied with general, pithy (pardon my lithp!) posts that they can read while the commercials are on TV.