Queer Friendly Spaces

In May, I wrote the post Dildo Bingo following my very positive experience with this event at the Twin Cities’ most popular lesbian bar, Pi.   The truth is that Pi is much more than a “lesbian bar.”  I’d like to quote Joni Thome, a good friend of Pi Bar’s owner and definitely Pi family. She’s a mom, a lawyer, and a long time activist. This letter was recently published online in the Yahoo Group “Bisexual Organizing Project,” the Twin Cities most prominent social and support network for bisexual folks:

This is the only place I have ever been where the sign “everyone welcome” speaks the truth about the establishment. Many in our communities have worked long and hard to bring different communities of color, culture, age, class, sexual orientation and gender identity together in one place.  In 30 years in this community I have only witnessed two venues achieve that goal, Twin Cities Pride and Pi. And, Pi has done it in under two years!

 This is more than a bar, it’s a place that is rich in potential and one that is destined to become a community landmark. Last night I watched and celebrated the election results with my Seward and Longfellow neighbors, several punks, a group of children, postal workers, teachers, stay at home parents, students, lawyers, bankers, city and county workers, people who just lost their jobs and houses and so on.  I was at Pi and the true community spirit could not have been more intense. Then again, this night was not all that different from other evenings at Pi – whether for Dildo Dingo, a Kid Dance Party, a neighborhood wine tasting or for a fundraiser, the community spirit is present at this place. We cannot let this unique and necessary space get away.

You see, Pi may close its doors this weekend after less than two years in business.  Tara Yule, the owner of Pi, took some chances with “creative financing” when she negotiated to buy the concrete, single story building that Pi is in (a former VFW post in an inner city industrial area of South Minneapolis.)  The balloon payment has come due, and she can’t afford to meet the terms of what she now owes to fulfill the contract for deed.   She gambled that she would come up with enough money after over a year-and-a-half in business, but as we all know, the economy has been bad.

Dildo Bingo this past Thursday evening was a special event, the proceeds going towards Pi instead of to GLBT charities as usual.  The funds were to help Tara pay her staff before Pi closed its doors on Sunday.  However, the energy in Pi Thursday night was high, the joint was packed, and people are guardedly optimistic that Pi may just pull out of this financial plight.  Since it was announced during the last week in October that Pi was going to have to close, the community has come together with donations both large and small.  The last I figure I heard for sure was that $150,000 has been raised.  I know it is more now.  Dildo Bingo raised approximately $3500 Thursday night — a new record for the Dildo Bingo monthly event — and private donations are continuing to come in.  I myself wrote out a check for $100 Thursday evening and gave it to Tara, in addition to staying for all ten rounds of bingo.  (That’s why I planned in advance to take Friday as a vacation day.  I knew I wouldn’t be home before midnight, and I was right!)  It’s not much in the scheme of things, but every little bit helps.

I care about this space remaining available to the LGBT community and their friends and families, too.  This past Thursday evening was only my second time being in Pi, but I’ve enjoyed it very much both times.  I, too, have been around for awhile, my coming out occurring here in the Twin Cities in 1976 at a weekly social event called “A Woman’s Coffeehouse.”  I had gotten information about this gathering from the Lesbian Resource Center, a group I contacted within weeks after moving here.  It was held every Friday and Saturday evenings in the basement of a Minneapolis church not far from downtown.  These were quiet gatherings consisting of tea and cookies and Rice Krispie bars.  Entertainment was a musician or singer from the community.  There may have been some dancing later in the evening to recorded music.  Women would sit around and talk, eye each other up.  It was all very low-key, but this was about all there was for lesbian-oriented social activities.

I’ve seen a number of lesbian bars come and go during my time here, although I never enjoyed the bar atmosphere back when smoking was permitted indoors.  The bar crowd also seemed quite clique-ish, catering to the stereotypical dyke segment of the population.  As a bisexual woman, I didn’t fit in there.

But Pi has been different.  Or maybe the times are different and Pi has captured that.  I have felt very comfortable at Pi with its range of patrons.  I sat at a table with my trans friend, Randi Sue, Thursday evening and two trans men.  The trans community is at Pi in significant numbers.  There are young women there and middle-aged women there.  There are hippies from the 70s and Goth chicks at Pi.  There are college students, college professors, mechanics, artists, sales clerks, and actors at Pi at any given event.  I’m sure that orientation and gender run the spectrum of possibilities, and it’s all okay.  Everyone is having a good time.

Having come out during an era where a queer-friendly place like Pi was not in existence, I understand how important this establishment is.  I understand what it stands for and the values it embraces.  I know how good it feels to be there! 

I want it to stay as part of our community for all those (including myself) who need a comfortable, fun queer-friendly place to be, where everyone is accepted for who they are (valid ID required, of course!) when they walk through the door.

I’m waiting with bated breath to see what comes of the fund-raising efforts.  I hope it’s enough to keep Pi alive.

Xtreme Reaction

I was spending some time on Ye Olde Dating Site this afternoon and came across a journal entry from a 31 year old presurgical trans woman. Someone commented on how brave she is in dealing with her issues, and she responded, “There’s nothing brave about me. I’m a big huge coward and I’m taking years longer than I should be to get through this process because of my immense cowardice. I’m being open about who I am online because I’m too much of a coward and too non-confrontational to leave it as the non-issue it really ought to be… “

I commented that I’ve dated trans women in their 40s and 50s who were just then dealing with some of the issues she is dealing with. (She delete my comment so I can’t quote myself directly!) I went on to say that everyone follows their own timetable for these things, including SRS, and she shouldn’t feel pressured to be at a certain place with some things because she thinks she should be or she perceives that others think she should be in a certain place with it. I wished her the best of luck on her journey.

Moments later, I get this IM from her through the website’s Instant Messaging function:

5:12:52 pm)Kate:Very presumtuous of you.

(5:13:05 pm)Kate:I think I’m going to go ahead and cancel your comment rather than post a reply to it.

(5:13:33 pm)Kate:I just don’t have the energy to correct peoples’ misconceptions right now.

(5:13:52 pm)Kate:Thank you for making me feel more misunderstood, isolated and alone, though.

(5:15:35 pm)Kinsey:I’m not sure what I was presumptuous about. I mentioned SRS. If it’s not a consideration, it’s not a consideration. It isn’t for everyone.

(5:16:21 pm)Kate:What’s presumptuous of you is assuming that the reason I feel I’m taking too long has anything to do with anyone’s else’s opinion of how long it should take.

(5:16:47 pm)Kate:Not everyone is capable of living in the wrong body for 40 to 50 years and still remaining reasonably functional.

(5:17:13 pm)Kate:If I take much longer, I’m going to end up on disability and will never ever be able to afford to complete the process.

(5:17:21 pm)Kate:And at that point I might as well fucking kill myself.

(5:17:36 pm)Kate:Also, yes, I find the notion of equating “woman” with “person who has a vagina” to be somewhat offensive.

(5:17:56 pm)Kate:As would many other feminists.

Wow. All of this in response to what seems to be a couple of pretty innocent sentences and my best wishes for her happiness! I felt very attacked!

Did I block her? I’m afraid I did. :=(