Tucson Sunset 2-11-09

Skyhigh Saguaro

Created by Disney?

Unique Saguaro

On May 9, 2008, a reader of this blog introduced herself.  I began to read her blog and she remained a consistent reader of mine.  We became friends since miles do not matter when one is using the internet to communicate.  She asked if I’d want to consider getting away from a cold, Minnesota winter and come to visit her in Tucson sometime.  Well, I decided that sooner was better than later and took her up on her offer this winter.  I flew out to Tucson on the morning of February 11 and returned on Monday of this week.  (A day later… but that’s another story!)

The Tucson Symphony Friday evening was delightful.  Watching the sunset from “A Mountain” overlooking Tucson was inspiring.  Magpie’s Gourmet Pizza was just about the best pizza I’ve ever had and deserves “The Best Pizza in Tucson” award it has gotten for 19 years in a row.  I enjoyed authentic Mexican food, my friend’s cats, and eating chocolate cake while watching riftgirl videos on YouTube.    I met new friends, gazed at a starlit Sonoran sky, and received a personal guided tour of both the Arizona-Sonora Desert Museum and the Amity Circle Tree Ranch by friends employed by each of these organizations.

But what I enjoyed most was the uninhibited joy of being accepted and loved for the unconventional, liberal woman I am.  Those four days were the boost my soul needed. 

In my day to day life here in the BiCities, I’m… well, my real name isn’t Kinsey.  I’m in my early 50s, married for 35 years and happily so, and am professionally employed in a scientific, intellectually challenging field.  I work with a bunch of other married ladies in a field comprised of at least 75% women, and they all know me as that coworker who has been married since forever, and they don’t know anything else about my personal life.

I leave it at that because bisexuality and polyfidelity are too complicated for most people to understand.  In day to day interaction with people I work with, I don’t say, “Yes, I’m married, but I’ve also had female lovers throughout the years of my marriage, and I’d really, really like to have a long-term, intimate relationship with a woman.”   No, no, I don’t go there, understandably!  I’m out to two gay coworkers who know I’m far from straight and narrow, and that’s as far as that sharing of my personal life goes.

Other than those two gay coworkers, though, I’m just a conventional married woman to everyone else.

That IS part of me.   The married part, the part that finds men attractive (well, okay, an occasional one now and then!),  the part of me who has been in a long-term heterosexual relationship for most of my life now is a valid and recognized component of who I am.  I’m not playing a role.  I’m not cleverly disguised as someone I’m not.   I’ve found fulfillment and pleasure in my marriage and I will continue to do so.

However, I am so very attracted to women as well.  I love my friendships with them.  I derive energy and emotional fulfillment from their laughter, their beauty, their gentleness and wise insights into the world, their valuing of relationships.  I take strength from their resiliency.    Physical intimacy with a woman takes me to places of exquisite joy.  All of this is an important and vital part of me, intricately linked within the tapestry of who I am.

Can I bring this out for the world to see in the course of my daily life?  Not too often!  Perhaps if I’m out for an evening on the town with a LGBT friend.  Then, certainly.  If I’m at a meeting or a conference pertaining to a GLBT topic, then of course.  If I’m at our Pride event in June, I’m OUT.    Day to day, though, with people I work with, with straight friends who know only what I’ve told them, with family… no, not OUT so much.    I’m that married woman, presumably straight.

But then there are these interludes: Pride, the BECAUSE Conference, a vacation away with GLBT friends and their allies; hell, a trip away to stay  with my lesbian cousin in Pennsylvania!  All these things bring out a sense of well-being, if not downright euphoria, because it’s acknowledging and embracing the part of me that doesn’t get much recognition and acceptance.  It’s a bringing together of the pieces, a unifying of the whole.  Exilarating?

Ya, you betcha.

Much love to my Tucson friends.  Don’t forget about me now, you hear?