Bigger Is Better

In my last post, I suggested that men make attempts to overcome their primitive hardwiring and cease playing competition games with the size of their penises, a practice that adversely affects the self-esteem of many of them.  I certainly don’t want to come across as a “man basher” because of this sentiment.  I’m asking men to see this behavior for what it is because I am strongly pro-male.  I’m strongly HUMAN BEING, and I’ve seen firsthand how this social behavior, this size critiquing to determine informally who is the “alpha male,” ultimately degrades a man’s self-esteem and self-confidence from a young age, sometimes never to fully recover even in the face of adult maturity and logical argument.

I’ll even be an “equal opportunity employer” here for a moment since women go through the same thing with the size of their breasts.  Even though size has nothing to do with the responsiveness of the breasts and nipples to sexual stimulation and pleasure, small-to-average size women perceive themselves as less sexually attractive than their “well-endowed” sisters.  Some suffer low self-esteem over this issue.  Many have chosen to have augmentation surgery in order to have the sexually attractive breasts they perceive men and society want.  Fortunately, this is a relatively simple (although expensive) option for women since the function of the breasts is not affected by the surgery in the absence of lactation.  Let’s face it, the function of the breasts is large ornamental, except for those limited times in some women’s lives when they provide nutrition for an infant.  Other than that, breasts sell products of all kinds, support the women’s fashion industry, pad cosmetic surgeons’ wallets, and provide a fertile breeding ground for cancer cells.  Women would do well to be a little less preoccupied with their breasts unless it is to provide them with monthly exams and periodic mammograms!

I’d be the last one to say, however, that size is never a factor when it comes to certain kinds of sexual stimulation. There are occasions when certain sizes fit better together during sexual penetration.  Bigger can be just as detrimental to sexual pleasure as smaller because not all women are “size queens” and certain dimensions can be downright uncomfortable to some women, depending on their experience level, the position of their pelvic organs, the presence of vaginal or perineal scar tissue due to childbirth, and the woman’s hormonal state.  On the other hand, an average to smaller size penis, coupled with a vagina and supporting pelvic ligaments that have been through the effects of childbirth, surgery, and/or aging, may result in a situation where neither partner is getting the full pleasurable benefit from sexual intercourse.

So, what do you do when the the size of the object being inserted doesn’t match the dimensions of the space it’s being inserted into and some lessening of pleasure is the result for one or both partners?  There is one answer that is correct no matter what the details are of the particular situation: use the big brain that human beings are blessed with.  Human beings have the biggest and most complex brain of any of the animals on earth.  It allows them to analyze a situation and consider the array of choices that may be available.  It allows them to modify a situation and find ways of solving a problem.  Unlike our parrot and orangutan and cheetah counterparts, there isn’t one way and one way only to accomplish sexual pleasure and union.  Lay aside preconceived notions and explore the options!

“Exploring the options” may be any one or a combination of many, many different things.  Put aside embarrassment and defensiveness and talk to your partner about it.  Ask her opinion.  Listen to her likes and dislikes. Use your collective big brains to consider all the choices on the list.  It may come down to a very reasonable conclusion that intercourse is not the end-all-and-be-all it was once assumed to be.  There are many ways to sexual pleasure, and if you’re not trying to make a baby, there is no biological reason for every occasion of lovemaking to include intercourse.  There are different kinds of kisses and caresses, the creative use of lips, tongues and fingers.  There is the concept of “outercourse” to explore, and an array of playthings and enhancements readily available for consideration.  Take her shopping at the Smitten Kitten Boutique or give her a gift certificate to The Blowfish catalog.  If it’s G-Spot stimulation she needs or a sensation of deep pressure in her vagina or anus, she shall have it if she wants it with just a little exploration and encouragement.  And always remember that sex toys are in no way a replacement for your loving, enthusiastic participation in this pleasurable, creative process! 

If correcting the erectile dysfunction that many middle-aged and older men experience would return some pleasure to your sex life, consider what you can do about it.  Men commonly experience this as a side-effect of hypertension, diabetes, and cardiovascular disease and the medications that are used to treat these conditions.  Would improving your overall health by losing some weight, diet modifications, and exercise help to control these conditions and reduce the amount of medication required to treat these conditions?  It’s sound advice, regardless of its effect on E.D.   Perhaps you’re a candidate for asking your physician “if Levitra is right for you!”    If you think this may improve the sexual experience that you share with your partner, swallow your pride and embarrassment and ask!  Thousands upon thousands of these prescriptions are written for men with diminished erectile response, and doctors don’t even blink an eye at the request. 

In conclusion, human beings are different from animals.  Human beings have the largest, most complex brain of any of the life forms on this Class M planet.  In this sense, and in this sense only, bigger is better.  Use that big brain to realize that sex is so much more than procreation of the species, that it is an expression of joy, pleasure, trust and sharing in an intimate relationship.  There are so, so many ways to do that, and none of them involve the size of a penis or the cup size of a pair of breasts.  Use that complex brain wisely to consider all the choices and all the reasons why size doesn’t matter when it comes to sexual love between two human beings.  Be a self-confident lover who knows his unique human intelligence, his capacity for love, gives him everything he needs to be a creative, wonderful, satisfying partner.

And that is the bottom line.