He Said…She Said

Like I mentioned in a previous post, I have a long-distance relationship based on email correspondence with a man I’ve known over the span of 38 years.   On three separate occasions during the years of this relationship, I have seen this man’s erect penis, the first such occasion occurring in 1971 when I was 15-years-old.  Recently, we had this email exchange, and I’ve copied the noteworthy parts directly from those emails so as not to misrepresent anything in the translation.  

Me:  “When it comes to [your lady friend's] sexual appetite, she may have a craving for a big cock…”

Him:  “Big Cock”, thanks for the complement, but then you also said once, “Its not as big as I remembered!”

Me:  Yes, you have a big cock.  It’s not a compliment; it’s a fact.  I’ve never really understood “complimenting” a man about the size of his erect penis when it’s a genetic characteristic that he has no control over, the same as the size of his feet or the color of his eyes.  Yet, somehow, this has become a really, really important deal to a lot of men!  They’re either proud of the size of their organ or embarrassed or worried that it isn’t big enough.  The male anxiety and preoccupation over this inherited physical trait is a waste of energy and certainly has nothing to do with a man’s worth as a human being or a lover.

When I said years later (and I’ll take your word at this point that I said this) that your cock wasn’t as big as I remembered it, I was not inferring that the size of your cock had shrunk.  It hadn’t.  What I was thinking about was my perception as a 15-year-old the first time I saw and touched your erect penis.  At that time, I had only seen and touched one other adult penis.  In comparison, yours was quite enough to inspire awe and fear in the heart of an inexperienced teenager!  Years later, I was not quite as awed and impressed because I had had a lot more experience by then.  I had been intimately acquainted with a variety of erect organs of different sizes and shapes, some smaller than you, some the same size as you, and I think at least one a little bit bigger.  You were the same size as you were 1971, but I just wasn’t as impressionable as I was in 1971.  That was the difference!

[I then directed him to read my blog post, inspired by this email conversation, "It's All In The Genes."]

Him:  I gotta begin this with saying that you missed the mark a bit.  I was more interested in your perception rather than any “anxiety”  I may have.  Really, never been concerned with size;  much more concerned with skill and giving pleasure to my partner.  I’ve been in cavernous vaginas and snug cunnies and I have managed to do well by the lady.  Hate it when I ejaculate in what I consider too short a time. I like to stretch out lovemaking for one or two hours; though I have done a quickie in 6 minutes….   

Reading that blog was an interesting diatribe.

Me:  I gotta begin this by saying I don’t know what subject you’re talking about here by saying I ”missed the mark a bit.”  Please explain so that I understand what you’re referring to.  Then you said, “I was more interested in your perception rather than any ‘anxiety’  I may have.”  My perception of what?  And when did I mention any ‘anxiety’ you may have?  Go back to my last email and tell me exactly what you’re talking about here so that I can track your train of thought.  I’m kind of lost and would like to have a conversation but I don’t know what your comments are referring to.

So, my blog entry was a “diatribe” to you.  This is my understanding of the definition “diatribe:”

1 (archaic) : a prolonged discourse

2: a bitter and abusive speech or writing

3: ironic or satirical criticism

None of these definitions, particularly the last two, are complimentary.  I put a lot of thought into what I wrote, and my husband and others actually thought it was a good piece of writing.  Dave said it was thoughtfully organized, rational, and clearly made a point.   He liked it and complimented me on a well-crafted piece.  It is insulting that you found my thoughts on the matter to be a “diatribe.”

He:  Well, HE hasn’t said anything further yet and may not for awhile since he often reads his email only once a week or so! 

Actually, at no time did I say in any of my emails or blogs that this particular man has any insecurities about the size of his penis.  Why should he?  He’s one of these “cockier” males I mentioned in my post, the ones who know from puberty onward that they’ve got that extra inch or two below the belt.  These are the men who will never worry about what they bring to a sexual encounter because they know where they rank in the “pecking order.”  Why give it a second thought when you’ve known this about yourself since you were twelve?

No, both my emails and my posts were discussing this situation in general terms rather than pointing out the insecurities of any one man in particular.  And I don’t think I “missed the mark a bit” on the observations I made in my emails or posts.

So, I can only assume that this one man actually did take my statements and my post quite personally.  Perhaps this one man is a bit miffed that I’m not impressed with the size of his penis and is feeling a bit put out about it!  

 

 

 

It’s All in the Genes

A little riddle for you:  what is in the genes as well as in the jeans?

Answer: the size of a man’s penis.

I need to write about this.  No, it doesn’t have anything to do with my sexual orientation.  It doesn’t have anything to do with being a “three on the Kinsey scale.”  I don’t even personally own a penis although I’ve lived closely with one for 36 years now.

I have a long-time male friend.  He and I exchange emails frequently, which is what our long-distance relationship consists of.  Three times over the course of our 38 year relationship, I’ve seen his erect penis, which qualifies me to make an informed statement about that organ.  I made a comment recently about his current lady friend and their rather strange relationship.  I made the crude remark that she must like big cocks.  In his reply email that I received yesterday, he thanked me for the compliment.

I said, “It was not a compliment; it was a statement of fact.  I don’t believe in complimenting men for something that is strictly genetic and over which they have no control.  It’s just like the color of his eyes or the size of his feet.”

The dimensions of the penis are governed by the genes an individual inherits, not by any factors that make him more of a man or less of a man.  Size is not mandated by testosterone levels or sex drive or levels of fertility.  Penile size has nothing to do with anything and is simply a product of one’s ancestory and genetics.

Yet men regard this characteristic as either a personal source of manly pride or embarrassment, depending on where they fall on the ruler.  Why is this?

I speculate that it goes back to a primitive instinct left over from some evolutionary process.  The male of many species is in competition with other males for the privilege to mate with the females of that species and impregnate them to carry on their genes.  Male peafowl attract females of the species with their colorful tail plumage.  Lions are considered most masculine and desirable when their manes are full and thick.  Tom turkeys develop bright red wattles and snoods when ready to mate, and the male orangutan develops fatty cheek pouches or flanges when he’s ready to become a dominant breeder in his territory.  All these things are outward visible signs of masculinity and maturity, and these signs are readily recognized by both the males and females of the respective species.

But what do human males have?  No colorful feathers, no red wattles or snoods, no luxurious manes or swollen cheeks pouches!  Instead, they eye up each other in locker rooms and surreptitiously at urinals and mentally size up the competition by observing penis size.  This is how they determine where they fall in the pecking order and who is most likely going to mate with the hens!  This “sizing-up” behavior starts when they’re boys barely out of training pants!

You know what?  I think this “sizing up” behavior kind of works, too.  It works because the boys with the larger penis size feel an inflated sense of arrogance and self-confidence.  Those boys know they’ve got what it takes where it counts, even though this self-esteem is inarguably misplaced!  The smaller boys feel inferior and ashamed and are less likely to try to excel with the females.  They fear being ridiculed for their size.  They back down to the “cockier” males, and their self-esteem suffers.

Men are preoccupied with this one dimension of their bodies.  Look at all the ads for penis enhancement preparations and medications that inundate people’s email inboxes!  Men have been trying techniques for centuries to make their organs longer and thicker.  Some of those techniques have had disasterous results.  Many men would be forking out big bucks for cosmetic surgery if this were a viable option.  It’s been attempted by plastic surgeons over the years, but silicone injections and implants scar the erectile tissue that is actually supposed to function.  No man really wants a big, puffy dick that doesn’t work when he’d like it to, so surgical enhancement has ceased.  But if it worked, there would be long lines at the surgery centers for men who want to make their dicks bigger so they look like Ron Jeremy or Johnny Wadd! 

This is ridiculous.  It’s absurd because we’re human beings, not birds or lions or monkeys.  Being a good lover, a good partner, a good father has nothing to do with how many grams of tissue resides between a man’s legs.   It has to do with his sensitivity, his unselfishness, his caring.  A good lover is a combination of intelligence, good judgment, ethics, and open, uninhibited attitudes.   A man has every reason to be a self-confident lover if he has these things going for him, and it doesn’t matter in the least how many inches he has below the belt.

This is why you’ll never hear me complimenting a man on his penis size.  I refuse to play into this primitive instinct which ultimately does more harm than good in the human male.

Get over it, guys.  For your own sakes. Become as evolved as your bigger brains indicate you are and leave the primitive behavior for the orangutans.